The "L" Word

*This was written a couple of weeks ago. I had to wait until I was ready to share it.

It was been over two months since the Student and I started dating. I am still stunned with how different this relationship has been in comparison with my last one. Two months in, and the Student still gives me butterflies when I think about him. He still makes me smile when he texts me everyday, just to see how I am doing. I still wait anxiously and excitedly for him when he comes over. I still think of him when I hear sappy love songs on the radio. It's reminiscent of when I was in high school and I would have a crush on a boy. It was exciting and lovely, and the boy would consume my thoughts. This feels exactly like that, but what makes it even better is that the boy is actually mine.

A few of my friends have asked if the "L" word has been used. We haven't exchanged "I Love You"s but I have been okay with that. At first it was because I wasn't ready to face it yet. I had only told one boy in my life that I loved him, and we just parted ways six months ago. I wasn't ready to give up that part of myself again so soon. And there is no rush to reach that point just yet.

A couple of nights ago, I stayed at his house for the first time. It sounds strange that in the two months we have been together, I had never been to his house or met his two dogs. But when he has room mates and I have a house to myself, it always made more sense for him to come to my place. But this past weekend, his room mates were out of town, so it was my turn. He was so eager to show me his house and I could tell he really wanted my approval. He had even cleaned it thoroughly, knowing that I am a bit of a neat-freak.  I watched him take laundry out of his dryer, put his dishes away, and make me coffee in the morning. It was nice to see him in his element. And his dogs liked me, which I know made him happy.

I can't pin point an exact moment when I realized that I had fallen in love with him. I know it definitely started when we were on our holiday, and there have been many moments when I would look at him and think about how much I like him. Like when he secretly makes my bed in the morning while I am getting ready for work. Or when he cooks for me and chooses foods that are healthier because he knows I watch what I eat. Or when he gets so excited when he sees that House Hunters is on TV. Or when he tells me that I need to drink more milk because he doesn't want me to be at risk for osteoporosis when I'm older. Or when he gently scolds me for leaving newspapers on my stove top because the cat could accidentally turn the stove on and start a fire (which is impossible, btw). Or when he is actually interested to know how my day at work was and what I did. Or when he asks me every day how I am feeling since I started a new prescription because he knows I'm worried about the side effects. Or when he always watches out for me when we are with his friends to make sure I am not uncomfortable. Or when he tells me everyday that I'm beautiful or sexy. Or when he always holds my hand in the car or when we are walking or at a restaurant. Or when he kisses the back of my shoulder or my neck when he spoons me. Or when he is so gentle with me, I am almost overcome by emotion. Or when he always tells me good night and have sweet dreams, either in person or by text before I go to sleep. Or when he rearranges plans with friends just because he would rather spend time with me. Or when he texts me while he is out with his friends just because he was thinking about me. Or when his friends tell me that all he talks about is me. Or when I catch him looking at me and he gives me this adorable half-smile.

Okay. I digress.

It was this last weekend when I realized that yes, I am in love with this man. Admitting it to myself was a huge step... telling him is a whole other fear I'm not quite ready to face yet. My cousin says she sees that he feels the same way. But I guess only time will tell.