After the Student sent those amazing flowers to me at work, I had been trying to think of a way I could do something special for him. Since Valentine's Day was approaching, I figured that would be the perfect time to do something to surprise him.
I started with the idea of renting a hot tub for the weekend. But it was pretty expensive just for the weekend and I would have to find a way to clear the snow in my backyard to make room for the tub. Instead, I started looking at hotels in the city to see which had jacuzzi suites. I found a hotel that had recently renovated some rooms, including new suites with four-person jacuzzi tubs. The hotel isn't upscale, but I went for a tour of the room and it was beautiful. I booked it for the Saturday night before Valentine's Day.
I had originally planned on telling the Student what the plans were because I wasn't sure if it would be something he would enjoy. I had a hard time not including him in the planning process for fear that he would not be excited by the surprise or disappointed in my choice of hotel. The perfectionist in me was stressing me out. I finally convinced myself that I would keep the evening a secret.
For days he tried to guess what we were doing but could not figure it out. Finally, the day before our reservation, he figured out what I had planned after he told me he wanted to cook us supper the next night and I had to tell he wouldn't be able to as we wouldn't be at my house. But he didn't know which hotel we were going to be staying at. I was still a little worried that he would be disappointed when he would see where we were going, but I hoped that would change once he saw the room.
I made plans to check into the hotel myself, then I would pick him up afterwards. I spent the whole morning shopping and packing for the big night. My best friend offered to meet me at the hotel when I checked in so she could see the room and help me set up. The Student was pumped too. He had texted to tell me he barely slept the night before because he was so excited. My best friend and I put all the food out in the room- bread, cheese, crackers, a fruit tray, chocolate fondue, and a cheesecake I had brought home from New York for him.
I picked him up and we stopped at the liquor store for wine and beer. I finally told him which hotel we were headed to and he wasn't fazed by it at all. All of my insecurities were for nothing. We got to the hotel and I let us into the room. He was beyond impressed and happy. He asked me if I would mind if he made a phone call. I said sure, but was confused as to who he would need to call. He called his best friend to brag about how awesome the room was. I felt pretty proud that he felt it warranted a call to his bff.
He told me no one had ever done anything like that for him before. I explained to him that he has done so much for me, it was the least I could do to try to make him even a fraction of as happy as he makes me.
We opened a bottle of wine and sat in the jacuzzi. He had brought his iPad and speakers, and played "Your Song" by Elton John. On our fourth date, he had confessed he was an Elton John fan when he was playing his music in the car. I had mentioned that one time that "Your Song" was my favorite Elton John song, so it was sweet to see he remembered that.
Later in the night after plenty of wine and shots, I shared with him how much I stressed over that night. He couldn't understand why I stress myself out over things like that. I told him that I want to do the best for him to make him happy. There is nothing that scares me more than failure. I explained that even with my last relationship where the events that led to the break-up were not my fault, I still felt like I failed. I must have done something that made the Ex not want to be the best person he could be with me. I didn't want to make any mistakes with the Student.
Then the tears started.
The only thing I hate as much as failure is crying in front of a boy. Being that vulnerable is scary. Remember My Low Point? This was a little similar in that a lot of alcohol, PMS, and unrequited love makes me weepy. It wasn't outright crying, but just a few tears escaped. My blurred memory of the evening is that it was like movie star crying- a couple of perfect tears escape from the corner of my eye, without the running mascara or snotty nose. Whether or not that is an accurate recollection is debatable.
The Student was sweet and patient with me. He told me to look around the room and see what I had done for him. He reminded me that it was the first time anyone had ever done anything so thoughtful for him. I make him incredibly happy and he has strong feelings for me.
Strong feelings? Seriously? After almost five months, and it's just strong feelings?
He asked if I had strong feelings for him. I told him that I did. He reassured me I had nothing to worry about and I needed to be easier on myself.
There was a silence.
I broke the silence with, "So.... define strong feelings."
He laughed and knew immediately what I was asking. He looked at me and said that yes, he loved me. I told him that I loved him.
And like that, the elephant in the room vanished.
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