Here We Go!

28 and single. It is the most frightening thing I've had to deal with in a long time.

Quick recap: When I was 20, I met a boy. We both fell for each other and were engaged after 3 months of dating. It was a whirlwind relationship that did not have a lot of courtship. I didn't have to try too hard. There wasn't the excitement of a crush because it all happened so fast. He wore his heart on his sleeve so I never had to wonder what he was feeling. It lacked the butterflies and heartbeat skipping that results from an epic romance, but I was okay with that. We had our ups and downs as any couple would, but there were some issues that we couldn't overcome. It resulted in me losing all trust in him and I ended the engagement three months ago. An 8 year relationship was over.  

So here I am. It's hard to even imagine dating again when, for so long, I thought I was done with dating. I was with the man I was going to marry. I used to joke with my ex and say that we would never break up because I would be too scared to date again. I wasn't entirely joking.

I struggle with low self-confidence when it comes to dating. Before I was engaged, I only casually dated a handful of guys. It wasn't that guys never expressed interest in me- they did, but they were guys that I had no interest in. I can only recall once when a guy I was crazy about finally expressed the same feelings back- only to go back to his old girlfriend a few weeks later.

So here I am. Feeling like I am 19 years old again and I don't know how to date. I do have a small flicker of hope that I will find a guy who I am crazy about and he will be just as crazy about me, and we can live out that epic Hollywood Romance that all girls dream about, with the butterflies and heartbeat skipping included. But for now, I just want to have some fun and be reassured that I am not a hopeless cause.

Wish me luck.